This post is just for some much needed advice, I appreciate all your support and kindness.
Sorry for the length. 🌱❤
I’ve been with my boyfriend for about a year now. He’s an absolute sweetheart and does his absolute best to love me as unconditionally as pure love demands. He and I went to the same high school together, but he was a year above me. My Daniel (my bf’s name) was very popular and well liked throughout his time in school, whereas I was more of a quiet, studious reserved girl and recent life events caused us to meet 5 years later. We fell in love pretty quickly.
At the time, I was mourning a very bad breakup and was very blessed/surprised that I would find him during the most chaotic times of my life. He stuck by me through it all and trust me, it wasnt easy for him. However, we made it.
We are very happy together and live together with his family, but….
Recently some ex-classmates from high school have started posting on social media several gossip posts about people who went through some embarrassing incidents and my name came up. My stomach dropped (let me explain.)
I grew up in a very toxic family setting. For the most part I lived with my grandparents who were over their sixties and tired. They loved me and cared for me as much as they could but ultimately relied on the rest of my family to help raise me. My mother is a diagnosed Bipolar person and my father had bouts of uncontrollable anger with alcoholism affecting both. Needless to say they were very bad examples for me, and although my grandparents/other members of the family tried to protect me from them I inevitably started picking up their bad attitudes. I stole. I lied. I did all sorts of lewd things to please them and got into a lot of trouble.
As I grew up and started to grow wise to their toxicity, I snapped out of it. It was a long, painful process but I managed to get emancipated from both parents. I am all alone now. My grandmother dies from cancer 2 years ago and my grandfather/ rest of my family wants nothing to do with me. Understandable.
It’s really hard for me to forget the things I’ve done to hurt others and myself. Recently people from high school have popped up to tell my boyfriend that I’m very bad news and to stay clear from me. I would’ve agreed….but I am not the same person I was when I was a teen committing all these horrible things (no I didnt kill anyone, but still). I am 23-years old now.
I dont live with my parents, I work full time and I study every chance I have. I have dreams of becoming a physicist, artist, poet…..but I’m struggling to forgive myself for all the shit that’s happened.
I have my boyfriend’s full support and honestly that’s what’s been helping…
But what can you do to love yourself when you hate who you come from, who birthed you, and how do you forgive/love yourself after all the pain? Please help. Thank you.