Tomorrow the man has a birthday. We’ve known each other off and on about 15 years.

Tomorrow the man has a birthday. We’ve known each other off and on about 15 years. I go out of my way to please and have again planned something special.

Apart for 24 years and back together for about 3 years. Whilst I’ve also had other relationships, he’s the only one I ever really loved. I’m now questioning that love –

he says he’s only ever loved me too – but with a legal wife in a separate bedroom for their last 8 years – because he won’t financially share the 2 houses proceeds, and an autistic dyspraxic child and 1 other child (who I dearly love) and and ex girlfriend that does not leave him alone, this probably will be our last celebration. His secrets / lies / or lack of communicating – so it’s not a lie, finds every way to make him and his lovers invisible on his phone…

I know I deserve more – just gathering strength to move on accepting that it’s fine to love and still move on. So tired of all the anxiety and noise in my head created by him.