I have known what career I want for many years
Hi Everyone. I need some advice. This is a very long post-please bear with me. I am a new member, and I need help. Some of you will read this and think I am stupid for not making the obvious choice. I know I need to make this decision on my own, but I need guidance, help and wisdom. I have just turned 24 and as silly as it sounds, I feel like my life is somewhat over.
I have known what career I want for many years, but never had the guts to apply-it is a front-line job-quite dangerous. Unfortunately for me due to some past choices I was banned for applying for about 2 years. This 2-year ban runs out in about 6 months, then the recruitment process for this job is about 9-14 months.
I have just been working casual jobs up until this year to fund my travel addiction. I did however 6 months ago secure a similar yet very different frontline job (It was a 4 month recruitment process and very hard, so I am so proud of myself for securing the job). The pay is VERY average for what we do and put up with each day. I applied for this job in the full hope I would work here for 1-2 years while applying for my other job and I knew this current position would be looked upon very favorably for my dream career. The kicker is, this job has impacted me so much mentally-I am a shell of the woman I once was.
The environment is awful to work for, staff are awful to other staff-there is no support, or kindness-we are over worked and under paid. We are all on edge as we get threats we will be fired. Other staff try to trick us so us newbies mess up and get in trouble. I do not sleep anymore; I am in a constant mode of fight. I have horrible eating habits; my relationships are breaking down. I cry constantly, I am angry constantly, I have a headache all the time. Fatigue is my bestfriend. I spend my days off worried about going into work, and I spend my days at work worried if I can survive another 18-24 months here. I have suffered anxiety on and off throughout my time but holy shit I have never felt more overwhelmed or not in control.
I am the most unhappy I have ever felt, I have started to do self-destructive behaviors, and making poor choices. I know what you are thinking! girl just quit! I know I know, it is the simple-most obvious thing to do. But I know this new career is what I want to try, it is what I am passionate about, I know I can make a difference (if you are wondering if the jobs are similar and I will probably hate the dream career-don’t be worried, they are like ying and yang but do have similar cross overs-dangerous, front line, working in a team, shift work, long hours, physically demanding etc). I am worried resigning now will look poor and go against my application for my future job.
However, I do not know how much longer I can take this. I am at the stage now where I think it is impacting me so badly that I need to get out-even if it means kissing that dream job away. Ladies, what would you do? Would you stay, tough it out, find ways to survive. Or would you quit, find another job that would also look somewhat appealing towards your future career and explain the work environment went against all your morals Sorry for the novel, but I am so lost. I cannot thank you enough for taking the time to read this. I need help. Please be kind, I am already battered down as it is.