How can you be strong when you feel so weak???

Good morning!! How can you be strong when you feel so weak??? 💔 I’m fighting a battle that is too strong for me I thought I will get over it by now it seems as if I can’t I could still see the darkness off my pass everytime I close my eyes that little girls who was raped at the age of eight by her stepfatherö

I had no one to turn to no one to call I’ll go to school when I get there all I want to do is cry I’ll be in the P.e Court before school begin I would sit there and cry all by myself all my teachers would ask me what’s wrong my my answer was always nothing because I was so scared my stepfather told me if I had tell anyone he would kill me he would kill my mother and he will kill my brothers and sisters I kept this inside it was killing me I couldn’t tell nobody i couldn’t even tell my mother how he would rip me over and over and over again I didn’t have no one to talk to or to go too I would run away from home the best sleep I ever had is when I’m somewhere else sleeping they would call the police put a missing children report.

Well the person house I was in had to kick me out because they didn’t want to be charged for kidnapping the reason I’m sharing this story it’s because so many children become drug dealers become abusive because there was abused at an early age sometime we see the kids acting a certain way that we can’t understand there’s always a reason for that like I said I had no one to call no one to turn to because I was afraid of what would have happened it continue happening until I reach 13 where I couldn’t hold it anymore I couldn’t hold it any longer I ran away again this time I was really really ready for whatever happened I went to sleep by this lady’s house that name Natasha she didn’t want to hold onto me because she was afraid to so I had to go back home when I reach there the police was standing in the front door before the police could get to me my stepfather get to me first he said remember what I told you if you told anyone I will kill you so when the police ask me the question I tell them everything was okay if I could just go back to this day if I could just go back to this one single day I would of sacrifice every bone in my body just to lock him up now it’s too late my past is haunting me I don’t know how to deal with this I know there’s a lot of people out there that has gone to the same issue that I’m dealing with if you find a way out please share and help me find my way out to because I feel like I’m being hunted every night cant fall asleep. Please help me…