💕My voice, my story 📖 💕
Most kids grow up thinking about what they want to be or what game they want to play, they run and play freely with not a care in the world! But not me.. My life was very different from most people’s. Now I’m sharing this to give hope and strength to those who need it so please no hate this is my life, my trauma.
For me life was never easy. At four years old my grandpa started molesting me and continued to do so till I was 13 and could stand up to him, at 9 my nanny who I was very close to died of cancer, she only found out two weeks before she died! My family never had time to grieve for her before my aunt went missing 21 days later . She was missing for 7 long moths and we searched and searched for her with no luck.
But on Oct 3 1995 she was found dead in a shallow grave. My uncle had brutally murdered her. Trial went on for almost two years and he was found guilty. A year after that my step dad (I never knew at this time) hung himself in our front yard. That was when my depression started. I started to cut myself to deal with my pain.
I started to isolate and was in and out of hospital for over a year, I overdosed and almost died. I was sent to a group home for a bit and the date was set to go back home with mom and her boyfriend ray.. I was excited about going home. Then I got the worse news of my life. My mom had been hit by a car and killed. This sent me spiralling deeper into my depression. I suffer from PTSD so I can’t tell you much about when she died I have no memory of those few months. I was eventually sent to live with Ray my moms boyfriend when she died which was not a good choice and things only got worse. 1 year and 9 days after my mom died he hung himself in our bathroom.
Not long after ray died my grandpa died of a heart attack.
I had some really mixed emotions over him because he was family and I couldn’t hate him I learned to forgive because the hatred just weighed me down. I met my biological father when I was 14 I am blessed I got to know him for the short time I had, he died of lung cancer and I sat by his bed till his last breath. I couldn’t understand why all this was happening to me I thought I was cursed or unloveable or that I had done something to deserve it! I struggle with depression, PTSD, and anxiety disorder due to all the trauma I have endured. I still go to therapy to this day, but I am getting better!
At 19 God shows me I was loveable and worthy he gave me my first baby boy. My son became my saving grace, my light in the dark. He gave me a reason to fight, to push forward. He is my angel and will always be. I have had two more beautiful babies since then and two abusive relationships. But I came out even stronger! I found peace with god. Without God I would not have made it where I am today! He carried when I wasn’t able to walk alone.
Threw all this trauma I have not lost I have learned!! I’ve learned to be great full, Ive learned empathy, love, understanding, compassion, humbleness, resilience, strength and so much more. No matter what you are going threw, fight, keeping pushing forward I promise it is worth it. Life is beautiful we just have to choose to see it. For a long time I thought no one could help me but then I learned something very important.. I can help me and I did! I can still smile and laugh and live, I can love and be kind and help others threw difficult times. It wasn’t easy and life is still not perfect I still have bad days but that’s okay, we get there when we get there, the point is we get there!! Never give up there is always hope.